Gourmet Dog Food

There are some things which I think are totally useless, and are just a pathetic excuse for people to spend extra money which could be put to better use helping the homeless or putting shoes onto third-world children.

For example: how about a product that cleans the inside of your dishwasher? Just in case you ever have guests over and you're too embarrassed to have them seeing the unsightly stains in there.

Or maybe a remote-control for your car stereo? Because let's face it, folks: that's just way too far to reach when you're driving.

Maybe you'd like to get a lifejacket for your dog (we know how clueless they are in the water) or a special tea-bag caddy so you preserve the soggy, used teabag for some later time?

I think my favorite useless product of all may be gourmet dog food. Come on, they're DOGS. Most dogs I know will eat anything. I once had a dog that ate a night light and the better part of a jar of vaseline. A dog will eat its' own poop, for crying out loud. How choosy could they be?

I'd love to see some truly thoughtful, useful products. Here are a few I'd gladly pay good money for:

• Hairspray with bug repellent.
• Self-cleaning toilets.
• Diet stuff that actually tastes good.
• A refrigerator for home use that has a clear glass door and a light switch on the outside so kids can see what they want and not sit in front of an open door for 5 minutes.
• Cars with compartments for handbags.
• Flying cars. Honestly, I'm beginning to think these will never show up.

For now, I suppose I'll have to settle for driving my regular, non-flying car. The one with no compartment for my handbag and a stereo nearly half an arm's length away.